Geeky SKAturday: It's "Christmas Time Again"! (Bad Manners)

December is here.  It's Christmas time again!

I think I'll share some of my favorite holiday ska tunes this month.  Here's one I've posted before that is always worth revisiting, from the band that is probably the goofiest and maybe my favorite of the 2 tone era...

No notes.

And while I definitely have a big interest right now in turning Christmas songs into spells...that's a whole different project.  Instead, here's my favorite Bad Manners tune and a sound to accompany it...

Special Brew

2nd-level Sound

Casting time: 1 action

Range: 30 feet

Duration: 1 hour

Save: Presence

This sound targets one being that can see you and has a Knowledge score of at least 1.  On a failed save, the creature regards you as their best friend.  We're talking soulmate type feelings, although no romantic notions are necessarily involved.  They know that you want to spend all your money on them.

When the spell wears off, the target will remember what has occurred but will not necessarily feel deceived unless you have coerced them into doing things contrary to their usual wishes.  You will simply be regarded as a former friend.

My Mince Pie Odyssey

Undoubtedly, many of you reading this have also seen the comprehensive mincemeat pie reviews written by Kelvin Green over at his Brainsplurge blog.  If not, you should give them a look.  They've been...inspirational...as you'll see if you keep reading (no hard feelings if you don't).

See, I'm an uncultured Yank who's maybe had mince pie like once in my life, decades ago when my grandmother in Florida made one.  I remember (1) not understanding why there would be meat in a dessert, (2) not understanding why it didn't actually have meat in it, and (3) not understanding why it was this weird fruit and spice concoction instead of a sugar-soaked treat like proper desserts.

But I'll be darned, those mince pies that Kelvin displays look delicious.  He slices/bites (maybe both) and seemingly squeezes each one for a photo, so you can practically taste the filling just looking at it.  At least, if you know what mince pies taste like, you can probably practically taste it.  I don't have a very solid memory of it, but I definitely craved what my mind filled into that blank flavor.  So, I decided I needed to seek some out this year.

Okay, TRIGGER WARNING:  For the rest of this post to make sense, I have to inform you that I am vegan.  I hesitate to do so because the first thing many people want to do when they find out someone else is vegan is insist that no vegans ever quit talking about being vegan.  And if you're like me and Laura, who eat this way around family members who don't identify with any goal of veganism in the first place, you definitely know that we aren't the ones who won't quit talking about it.  So that whole trope is...annoying.  At best.  But I'll quit talking about that now.

With that bit of info on the table...well, as you are probably guessing right now, it poses a little obstacle for my mince pie quest.  I had high hopes of finding prepackaged vegan mince pies that look as mincemeaty and delicious as the ones Kelvin highlights.  And maybe if I were in the UK, where such pies, in a wide range of quality, are apparently a holiday staple, the case would be different...especially since cheap pastries often end up being accidentally vegan.  For the ones I could access, though...no such luck.  The mince pies, my oh my do they thirst for butter.

So, it would come to assembling my own.  I say "assembling," because this didn't seem like the challenge to put my meager cooking skills to the test this holiday season.  There has to be a way, eh?

I started with some mincemeat with verified ingredients:

Before tasting it, I had no idea if this is a quality brand or not.  And after tasting it, I still have no idea if it's a quality brand.  I think I like it, though.

The crusts were a little tougher to pull off.  I finally found some fillable pie shells intended for sweet or savory, then filled them with mincemeat and baked at 350 for half an hour to see what came out.

These crusts are pretty thin and crispy, especially after baking.  I know from this review that these can both be marks against them.  At least I know they aren't too sweet.

Oh!  And really, these are pretty tiny.  To give an idea of scale, here's my old character Ezra happening upon one...

The verdict?  Well, if you've read this far, I should probably apologize because I don't think there's much payoff to this little adventure.  I do appreciate the faith you had in me.  If it makes you feel any better, I've written all of this before realizing that I don't have anything especially worthwhile to tie it all together.  So...I guess I just wanted to share my little mince pie odyssey with others.  Thank you for indulging me.  And happy holidays!

Y'know what?  I'll give it a rating.  Using Kelvin's system, these are a 2 out of 5.  I mean, I'll still make and eat more of them, but those pictures on Kelvin's blog...well, I know there's more to mince pie than this, probably at least 3 out of 5 more.  I just have to figure out how to get my pinko vegan mitts on them.

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Now, maybe the best part of the journey is that it gave me an excuse to write this up...somehow, btw, not even the first pie elemental I've statted up on this blog...

Mince Pie Elemental

Scale: --

Handling Difficulty: 15

35 HP, 8 Defense (large size)

Strength 7

Dexterity 1

Knowledge 1

Presence 3

Skills: Religious Dietary Law +3

Attacks: Pseudopod-Like Appendage (melee, +7, 1d6 bludgeoning damage) and Mincemeat Missile (range 30 ft., +1, 1d6 bludgeoning damage + roll 1d6 on table to find the missile and effect)

1-2  Currant - target saves vs. DEX 10 or loses next action

3-4  Date - additional 1d6 bludgeoning damage

5  Orange Peel - additional 1d6 acid damage and target smells like citrus for next 2d6 days

6  Mutton Shred - target has a 1 in 6 chance of realizing they have Salmonella infection within 24 hours

Mince pie elementals appear most commonly during the winter holiday season.  They are mysterious creatures, going about their existence silently, bringing joy to many and religious anxiety to others.  The "personality" of mince pie elementals has been variously described as sweet, spicy, and a little bit savory.  That last one is especially strange because what tf does that really mean when you're talking about a personality?

While lacking arms, mince pie elementals are capable of attacking via pseuodopod-like extensions of their mincemeat guts, and by forcefully expelling components of their body at perceived enemies.

The Real Monstrous Matters: Microbial contamination or killer space ooze?

Fortunately for humanity...and unfortunately for those of us just wasting time until the day we make contact...it's probably just microbial contamination.

A paper came out on November 13 detailing the examination of rock samples brought back from the asteroid Ryugu during the Hayabusa2 mission of Japan's space agency JAXA...

Photo of Ryugu's surface; from the mission website

They got some rocks from the asteroid's surface?  COOL!

They succeeded in a number of microscopic analyses of these samples?  VERY COOL!

There appear to be bacteria there?!?  HELLA COOL!!

The bugs on the asteroid; from the paper

Oh.  The reasonable conclusion is that it's just contamination?  BOOOOOOOO!!

Yeah, so despite being processed at pretty much the abso-tippy-top level of contamination protocol stringency, one of the samples ended up with some microbes growing on it.  The authors suspect Bacillus, but who knows.  Unfortunately, they were unable to look at the bug's genome to see what it was (and it has since been polished off of the rock and hasn't regrown).  Considering that Bacillus includes bacteria that can cause anthrax, food poisoning, and probably a host of other maladies, it's at least cool to imagine that it might have been some killer space bug that came close to unleashing a Michael Crichton-style pandemic upon humanity.

Probably for the better that it didn't, though.

(You can find a nice summary of the paper at Phys.org.)

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Now, what's cooler than a killer space bug?  A killer space ooze!  Can I get some cheers from the Blob Mob?!

Space Ooze

Image from Pixabay

Scale: --

Handling Difficulty: -- (uncontrollable)

25 HP, 9 Defense

Strength 5

Dexterity 1

Knowledge --

Presence 1

Skills: Detect (chemical) +3

Attacks: Pseudopod (+4, 1d6 bludgeoning damage + 1d6 acid damage)

The space ooze can move 10 feet per round, including up surfaces.  It is capable of moving through openings with a diameter of less than 1/10 of an inch, although its speed is slowed by as much as 99% while doing so.  The space ooze is capable of dissolving metal at a rate of up to 1 inch per round; this is often performed to overcome obstacles but will also impact any metal weapons used on it.

When reduced to 0 HP, the space ooze simply spends 1 round regrouping, then continues with the same task that was interrupted when it was "destroyed."

Geeky SKAturday: "Orphan Town" from Warriors (concept album)

At this point, I really don't want to miss Geeky SKAturday twice in a row(!), so here's something close enough for this week...

The concept album Warriors, that I mentioned being excited about around a month ago, came out, and it's pretty great.  From Lin-Manuel Miranda (of Hamilton and...a bunch of other stuff) and Eisa Davis (who isn't as well known, but I was still probably a bit of a dick for not even mentioning her in that last writeup), Warriors is a really nice take on the cult film, changing things up enough to make it interesting but hitting enough familiar notes that it pays off to know a bit about the movie.  I had such high hopes for it that it wouldn't have been crazy for it to fall short, but it delivers.  And it's easily accessible, hitting both Spotify and YouTube immediately upon release.

One of my favorite tracks comes when the Warriors encounter the second-rate gang known as the Orphans.  It's a cool scene in the movie, introducing us to Mercy, and the song has a sort of rocksteady rhythm for the verses, transitioning into really catchy choruses.  You could argue that Utkarsh Ambudkar sings the part of head Orphan Sully with a little too much...goofiness...but in the context of the song, with his right-hand man Jesse delivering backup lines like a bully's toady, it didn't take long for Sully's voice to sound natural enough to me.

For reference, here's the analogous scene from the film (cutting off a bit earlier than the song)...

And for gaming, here's the top Orphan in Monstrous6 terms...

Sully

From The Warrors Wiki

Leader, the Orphans

10 HP, 10 Defense

Strength 2
Dexterity 2
Knowledge 4
Presence 4

Skills: Misinformation +4, Streetwise +3, Leadership +2, Straight Razor (Short Blades) +1

Goal: Respect as a bopper

Quote: "I don't know what you're talkin' about, man.  How could this be a big meeting if the Orphans wasn't there?"

The Real Monstrous Matters: Japanese scientists get us one step closer to Greenskins...or maybe just solar-powered humans...

This is one that was covered by a lot of mainstream news outlets, so you might have already seen it (you MSM zombie, you)...in a cool little biological trick that I'm honestly surprised hasn't been achieved before, researchers anchored by a group at the University of Tokyo have gotten chloroplasts to carry out photosynthesis in hamster cells.  Mammalian cells making food from light...pretty cool if you ask me.  You can check out the paper (from the Proceedings of the Japan Academy, Series B) at this link, and the university's press release can be found here.

Fluorescence microscopy image from the press release.  The chloroplasts are magenta, while cell nuclei are light blue.

This is one of those things that really gets the imagination firing, and most of us who are drawn to science fiction and/or fantasy have probably already thought about this possibility at some point.  And obviously, it brings to mind the green-skinned characters of fantasy lore, like Warhammer's...er, Greenskins...

It's also a fairly well-known "rule" of biology that mammals aren't green.  When those who craft fantasy fiction feel the need to justify green pigmentation in a humanoid species, the likely explanations are reptilian ancestry or some sort of photosynthetic machinery.  In Warhammer, for example, I believe the lore is that Greenskins, already an assemblage of fungal species, also have a symbiotic relationship with algae.  It's unclear, as far as I know, exactly what the mechanics of this symbiosis may be, but I don't think there's ever been an implication that the algae are inside the creature's cells (but please do correct me if I'm wrong!).

This new paper takes things a step further, with chloroplasts (the site of photosynthesis in plants and algae) being isolated from red algae and incorporated directly into the animal cells, where they kept on working away like all those other organelles you remember from high school biology...the mitochondria and Golgi apparatuses and all.  It's a very different result from the researchers' expectation that the little algae bits would be digested by the hamster cells.  Which, y'know, when in doubt, is probably a good idea for an animal cell to do when it finds it has taken up a random foreign organelle that resembles bacteria.

Also kind of fun: It appears that these hybrid creations are often referred to as "planimal" cells.  It sounds like a failed '80s toyline.

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As far as fantasy species go, orcs and goblins are probably the most commonly green characters, but elves occasionally get this treatment as well.  In Magic: The Gathering, for example, the well-known elf Glissa Sunseeker has been portrayed with green skin.

Image from here

I also think it's interesting to look back at the green elves in the group of MTG sets known as the Onslaught Block.  Over the course of those sets, various creatures were mutated to become purer expressions of the color of mana they represented.  The blue wizards, for example, basically turned into water.  Elves, meanwhile, came to resemble plants more and more.  In the second set, Legions, we see some green (or at least greenish) elves...

Card images from Scryfall

(This included at least one creature that arguably looks, to an outsider, more goblin than elf...)

And then by the third set, Scourge, the elves were even more plant-like:

Something tells me there are chloroplasts in those elves' cells.

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Now, a species for gaming...

Emeraldkin

Attribute Points: 12

Min/Max:

Strength 1-5
Dexterity 1-6
Knowledge 1-5
Presence 1-5

Skill Distribution: 3/2/1

Special Skills: Can use Nature Magic without allocating any skill points to it; if this skill isn't chosen, it is treated as +0, and Nature Magic skill rolls use the character's Knowledge value.

Abilities: Able to see in low-light conditions; resistant to hunger

Emeraldkin are found in many realms among the multiverse.  They appear very similar to Humans but are identified by their pointed ears and the greenish hue of their skin (due to the chloroplasts found in their skin cells).  On some worlds, they are referred to as Elves, while residents of others will call them Orcs or even Goblins.  They identify with none of these terms, however, and refer to themselves as Unliavel, broadly translated as Emeraldkin.  It is thus far unknown what species they are closest to genetically; in general, though, they will associate with all other groups who maintain a similar connection to nature.

The photosynthetic skin cells of Emeraldkin allow them to go much longer than other humanoid species without food.  While they cannot wholly abandon eating, in conditions of sufficient light and water, they can easily go up to 10 days in between meals.  This is rarely necessary; Emeraldkin are usually very knowledgeable about the natural environment and are capable of obtaining food in almost any situation, although the vast majority rely on vegetarian sustenance only.  Overall, their connection to the natural world and low need for resources make them ideal adventuring companions.

Monstrous Mini-Review: The Twenty-Sided Tavern (Off-Broadway Show)

Before I forget...and while I'm thinking about positivity...here's a little writeup I've been meaning to do for a while.  Why is it on the topic of positivity?  Well, in the wake of the election a couple of weeks ago, when a lot of folks (especially in NYC) found themselves a little...eh, somber...the Off-Broadway show The Twenty-Sided Tavern (hereafter "the Tavern") opened the doors to its 11/7 show at Stage 42 to all interested parties on a first-come, first-served basis.  I don't know, maybe they have a lot of empty seats on Thursday nights anyway.  It still seems like a pretty cool gesture.

As for me, on Sunday 10/13, Laura and I took advantage of the ticket deals of NYC Off-Broadway Week to visit the Tavern, which turns the quirks of a D&D adventure into a stage production.  I had been intrigued by this since I first heard about it (maybe before it even became an official D&D entity), so I was pretty happy to see how the game I love translated to the art form I'm increasingly becoming a fan of.  I'm kinda kicking myself for not writing this up sooner...but I guess better late than never in sharing some thoughts on this fairly interesting appearance of RPGs in pop culture...

Let me say up front that for some reason, I imagined we had something a little different in store for us when we entered the theater.  I can't say exactly what set my expectations as they were, but I kind of thought I was going to see a fantasy story with Off-Broadway (so, pretty high) production values and some nods to roleplaying conventions.  And I knew the plot involved audience choices so that every show ends up being a little different.

What we actually watched was somewhere in between an actual-play show (which I don't watch or listen to very much) and a full stage production, with a very heavy dose of improv theater (and indeed...comedy) mixed in.  That description is certainly not to tear it down; I was honestly very impressed by how much it felt like an actual game was in progress (in a way, it really was).  It was like the stage show provided a framework that allowed a full table of over-the-top personalities to shine, when in our games at home, you really can't have too much of that good thing, or it goes off the rails pretty quickly.

There's a lot of audience participation!  (Btw, if you're in these pics and don't want to be on here, please just let me know...)

The story, however, was very skillfully guided by DM Conner Marx and Tavern Keeper Alex Stompoly.  They definitely made some concessions to the fact that they were playing this out on stage for an audience.  When the first combat started, I thought, "Uh...is this what we're doing the rest of the show now?"  But after about three rounds, there was this sort of declaration of "okay, we see how this is playing out," and rewards and consequences were doled out to keep the game flowing.

The story did not lack detail, however.  I lost track of specifics exactly as I do when I'm playing D&D, and I still enjoyed watching it all come together.  I would say that's the thing that cements my ability to declare that I really liked the show...the story was somehow both very linear and all over the place at the same time...and that appeals to me because it's exactly how every D&D adventure ends up feeling.

There's one performer designated each show to be the Warrior, the Mage, and the Trickster, with the exact characters they play changing up each night.  Apparently, there are more than 30 possible characters, and when you combine that with multiple paths for the adventures...and I think there was some rolling for character details (there were certainly some interesting rolls on random tables as the game progressed)...well, it's easy to see how every performance ends up being unique.  I'll probably have to go back at some point just to see how much my two random (heh) experiences differ.

Our Trickster for the evening

In case it needs to be said, all of the cast members are very talented.  (For our show, the Warrior was played by Will Champion, which is just a perfect name for a Warrior.)  They play off of each other and the audience very well.  Some folks are sure to feel that a selection of the jokes are too juvenile (drinking and sex, hahahahaha)...but, uh, I think those jokes probably landed pretty well overall with the target audience.

I left the theater thinking that to fully enjoy the show, you probably need one of (1) familiarity with (and love of) the source material (a lot of the humor is also connected to fantasy RPGs); (2) strong interest in improv; or (3) a tendency to go with the flow and just enjoy chaotic stuff that you might not fully understand but would like to appreciate.  With that said, it's easy to come across testimonials like this Reddit post that indicate it's just a good show that can be enjoyed by someone who's never played D&D before.  The audience participation probably goes a long way in making sure of that.  There's a lot of influence by the crowd (via electronic decision-making polls, trivia, actual stage participation by selected audience members, and at least one pretty cool puzzle that gets you interacting with your neighbors in the crowd).

Oh, and the theater is nicely decorated to evoke the Forgotten Realms...

Hmm.  Maybe I'll go in costume next time...?

The Tavern really is unlike anything else I've experienced, but it was very familiar at the same time (how's that for hedging?).  I know Laura enjoyed it, but I also know (via her own words) that this was influenced somewhat by seeing me enjoy it as much as I did (she's sweet that way).  I'm not sure she would have dug it as much otherwise...but I also think there aren't going to be too many people who just find themselves at that show without a connection to the material, either from their own life or that of someone close to them...or at least who have an interest in watching how this crazy thing we call D&D plays out.  And make no mistake...this is definitely D&D, and a lot more faithful to the game, as it's actually played, than any of those popular dragon shows can claim to be.

I haven't seen an ending date, and I think they're booking shows out through next April, so it appears that there are still plenty of opportunities to experience the Tavern.  Special guests frequently make their way into the cast, and I'm sure a lot of folks are excited to see their favorite figures from nerd culture up there gaming on stage.  Oh, and performances in other locations are coming!  If you like D&D...and if you read this blog, that's a very strong possibility...you'll probably find it worthwhile to see what The Twenty-Sided Tavern is all about.

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And now that I've rambled way more than I intended to, how about I divert this all back to what I've been doing here on the blog?  Here's the Warrior from our show, converted to be a very quick 'n simple Monstrous6 starting character...just a few details short, I suppose...

Alistair

Aarakocra Paladin

15 HP, 19 Defense (plate armor)

Flies (2x walking speed)

Strength 3
Dexterity 5
Knowledge 1
Presence 3

Skills: Perform +4, Swords +2, Divine Magic +1

Goal: Vengeance, I guess...to please his deity...?

Quote: "Open your mouth, I'm going to baby-bird you..."

The Real Monstrous Matters: A Saber-Toothed Kitten in Siberia

I mean, poor kitty...but man is this cool.  A formal description and analysis has just been published for the frozen mummy of a saber-toothed cat cub that was found in Siberia in 2020.  The paper appeared in Scientific Reports on November 14 (open access, so it's free to check out!); the Science homepage also ran a nice summary article here.

Compared to a modern lion cub; from the paper

Radiocarbon dating places it at about 35,000 years old.  The fact that scientists are actually able to write, with experience, on the softness of the fur of an animal that lived that long ago is mind-blowing.

The coolest discovery?  Actually, no, I bet there are cooler ones here; this one just really struck me as something very basic and neat that can only be seen when you have soft tissue preserved like this.  This specific saber-toothed cat is missing a carpal pad (that fifth "toe bean" on your cat's front paws).

See there at the top?  It's missing a toe bean (#2 at the bottom)!  Although I do love that the authors describe the ancient cat's metacarpal pad as "bean-shaped"...so maybe it isn't missing one...?  Anyway...from the paper.

The authors chalk this up (along with the wide paws and the shape of their pads) to adaptation to walking on snow...which makes a ton of sense considering the cat's home, both geographically and temporally.

In case you're wondering, this isn't the famous Smilodon, the icon widely known as a "saber-toothed tiger."  This little tyke is actually from the genus Homotherium, which are more specifically designated "scimitar-toothed cats" (vs. the "dirk-toothed cats" of Smilodon).  Still freaking cool and I dare you to argue otherwise!

Anyway, here's a saber-toothed cat for Monstrous6.  I'm gonna try to convert directly from a 5e critter and see if it makes sense, as one goal with the system is to be able to do that pretty easily.  So here goes.  (Also, I find it a little odd that D&D hasn't changed to calling the Saber-Toothed Tiger a Saber-Toothed Cat...although I think it might have been called a Smilodon in 2e...?  At any rate, I'm going to take that liberty...)

From Pixabay

Saber-toothed Cat

Scale: --

Handling Difficulty: 14

35 HP, 12 Defense

Strength 5

Dexterity 4

Knowledge 1

Presence 2

Skills: Detect (smell) +3

Attacks: Bite (+6, 1d6+6 piercing damage) or Claw (+6, 2d6+5 slashing damage)

Special: If a saber-toothed cat hits with a claw attack after moving at least 20 feet straight in the direction of the target, the target must save [STR (Balance) 14] or fall prone.  If the target falls, the cat may immediately take a free bite.